and then i needn't worry about anything.
and have people live their lives trying to figure out how to wake me up.
i'm very, very tired.
work has been ok, good, tiring, hectic, long, but overall, i can see myself staying for a while. while there are one or two things that irk me, i won't dwell upon it too much, because i find that if i talk about it more, my feelings of dislike will get stronger.
but i'm going to pull through no matter what. right now, i plan to work there until i've earned enough to study again. and even then, when i leave, i will look for a better position elsewhere, which Godwilling will be easy enough (i want at least commis 1) because well, singapore is a superficial place. when they see where i've been working, hopefully i can apply for a higher position elsewhere soon.
and since work started my hair has been suffering too. previously, unemployment has been good to my hair. not a strand falling, not in front of my eyes at least. now i just run my hand through and at least one or two follow suit. and since im running on less than a meal a day and 3 hours of sleep a night, my eyesight gets blurry once in a while, but from a distance lah. good God i wear costume glasses, not real ones i really do not wish to wear glasses fo real. anyways let's forget about work.
i lost 2kg!! omg yay, i want to work forever so i can be skinnier than my friendboy hahahahaha. ok, ive never wanted to be skinny. i just want to be slim, and happy with how i look. i dont want anyone else's body. i want my body, i like it, i just want it slimmer and smaller. everyone is different. i like *my* different.
on another note- OMG LATEST NARUTO CHAPTER. IT HURTS.
sigh.
im hungry right now. but i need to get ready lah, visiting old workplace. since im on off today i might as well.
i miss everyone.
the one thing that sucks the most about working is the loneliness that comes with it.
to and fro, you're alone. lonely rides in crowded trains. i miss everyone.
lol. i realise just how shy and insecure i can be when im meeting new people. i just really withdraw back into my little shell, like how a crustacean does when you poke it, quick and fast.
why do boys know so many people? why do they always always bump into their millions of childhood/primary/secondary/tertiary/ns friends?
-__-;;
either way, i'm still someone who goes really quiet, my shyness and embarrasment are evident in the lack of words and in my cheeks because I blush too easily.
it shouldn't matter what others think of you but actually most of the time it does because it can still affect your sense of security and confidence. i really do wonder how his friends see me. to be completely honest, i wonder if i look a sombong minah. but then again, i honestly dont feel like i look like one, so maybe i might seem *ALOOF* (HAHA YG) because I'm not a minah?
aiya, whatev lah. at least i don't scream into my handphone.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
retail therapy, like omg. i bought fitri's xmas present since she's coming down on the 20th. also bought didi's present hurhur and 2 tops for myself.
im still upset though. i went to check out my pineapple print shoes, and theyre gone. wtf lah knn.
my unifrom is amazing. its drawstring and best of all, it's BLACK. not fucking checkered. ugh.
whee.
i've got my eyes on 2 kate spade bags, but of course, i can't afford both, at least not now. but my mom is like all for it, she said she wished she couldve bought me one for my bday or to congratulate me for my new job. but i don't expect it lah it's too much anyways, but imma work my arse off to get either one im eyeing.
k k steph is waitong for my call.
i try, i'm trying, i've tried.
what are YOU doing?
ugh today has had its ups and downs. the interview wasn't much of an interview because apparently, they've already hired someone, and I guess just to entertain me they let me fill in an application form. oh well.
and my temples throbbed.
and i was hungry.
and i probably said some things i shouldn't have said, felt some feelings i shouldn't have felt, and I'm sorry, my dearest sister. I shouldn't have been such a wet blanket. I love you and I'm sorry I upset you today.
and the matter of trying. having tried. I have.
to someone else, i've tried to talk to you, support you .
but my efforts, are like sand through fingers, water breaking on rock.
my friendboy once asked me, "What's the worst thing a loved one could do to you if you made them angry?"
I said, "Not talk to me. Ever." Slap me, punch me, in your moment of heated anger, stab me, it would hurt physically (and emotionally too), yes. But silence would kill me, completely.
that being said, I had the most wonderful time with Aruna and Ameer over a bit of fries, chicken shawarma, ice chocolate and warm, sweet, rose sheesha. And singing Daniel Beddingfield's 'If You're Not The One' on the way home in a cab. XOXO.
tomorrow I shall do my best and hopefully enjoy being a waitress! My friend called me up, there's a function he's working at and he'll be helping in the kitchen. He needs me to help serve, and hell yeah, I'll do it. Waitressing is TOUGH, balls. You need a lot of arm strength, agility (or just plain not be a klutz), a killer smile, or simply, charm. I have to say, I'm a bit intimidated because I haven't done it before. But as long as I don't break glasses and tip over trays, I should be ok. I will try to have fun anyway. Besides, its 10 an hour. At least I won't be sitting at home and earning 0 an hour.
and if the hotel doesn't hire me, then well, i'll end this year on a good, non-work-related-stress-free note, hopefully, Godwilling. I hope you don't get scared when I use the word 'God'. It's not a bad thing, and neither am I going through some ultra religious phase. It's just, I do believe in Him, and I'm only human, and well, God be mah homey.
peace.
yesterday was spent moving and unpacking stuff at my aunt's new place which is pretty awesome. it's near lakeside mrt thus it really is near the lake and the chinese and japanese gardens as well. i brought along my shepherd's pie which was pretty good, my cousin has *the* best reactions to my food, ever. he would just shake his head in disbelief and pleasure and continue smiling and chewing slowly XD
alas, because of all the dust involved, i started sneezing and it didn't stop till i decided to go to sleep. its also because i had the sudden insane idea that i should clean up my cupboard. and so i did and even this morning i am sneezing. and because of that my throat hurts and i think my tonsils are irritated as well.
haha stupid montello tried to eat didi's left over mac french fries hahaha. and he also peed on a small foot rug :///
i want to eat but it's so very late and nooooo.
sighe.